Article: SILKE PAN
SILKE PAN
When I face tough times, I try to look at myself from a third-person perspective, to gain a broader view and I also remind myself of past challenges I’ve overcome, which gives me strength.
Silke Pan, a graduate of the National Circus School in Berlin, built a distinguished career as a circus acrobat, performing across Europe in circuses, amusement parks, cruise ships, and theatres from 1992 to 2007. A life-altering accident in 2007 left her paraplegic, but she turned adversity into achievement, becoming a decorated handbiker. Her accolades include a 2013 marathon world record, the title of vice world champion in 2015, European champion, and a bronze medal at the 2021 World Championships.
In 2022, Silke returned to her artistic roots as the world’s first professional paraplegic handbalancer, pioneering a unique performance technique. Through her work, she continues to inspire, demonstrating that resilience and determination can transform even the greatest challenges into new opportunities for fulfilment.
Can you tell us about your background and how your journey began?
Talking about myself has never been easy, but I can share that my passions have always revolved around acrobatics, dance, circus, theatre, and music. From an early age, I immersed myself in gymnastics and later acrobatic diving. These pursuits eventually led me to the National Circus School in Berlin, where I trained and graduated in acrobatics, trapeze, and a variety of disciplines.
For over 13 years, I worked as a professional circus acrobat, and it was during this incredible journey that I met my husband, Didier. Together, we created and performed under different stage names and acts, building unforgettable experiences. However, in September 2007, while training on the trapeze, I suffered an accident that changed my life. I broke my 10th and 11th dorsal vertebrae, leaving me paraplegic and reliant on a wheelchair ever since.
How did you rebuild your life after the accident?
My husband and I created an event decoration company, focusing on balloon decorations. At the same time, I stayed connected to sports and began hand cycling—using a hand bike—for fun and fitness. Four years after my accident, I entered my first race and did well.
That led me to pursue it as a sport for 13 years. I competed in European Cups, World Cups, and 4 major marathons, setting records and winning titles like vice world champion and European champion. My final year, 2021, was particularly special—I won a bronze medal at the world championships and became the European champion.
How did you discover you could return to acrobatics?
It started when I wanted to do shoulder strength training, so my husband strapped me to my old snowboard to keep my body rigid. As I practised, I felt my hands searching for balance. Closing my eyes, I visualised the acrobat I had been before the accident, and, trusting my body, I held my first handstand as a paraplegic after 13 years.
However, I wasn't satisfied with the aesthetics of using the snowboard or strapping my knees to my chest. I kept experimenting until I devised the method I use now: a bar and stick connecting my neck to my ankles. When I saw the pictures, I finally felt it was right. This technique allows my whole body to express itself beautifully, and it’s been my way of reconnecting with my art and myself. Since my first act in 2021, I’ve had contracts with Gravity Circus and Roncalli Circus, and now I’m touring Italy with a new show.
What did it represent to perform circus skills again?
I’m incredibly happy with what I’m living now because it’s the result of so much effort. After the accident, I tried so many things, but to be back as a circus performer feels like I’m finally where I want to be—where I’m truly myself.
It’s allowed me to free myself from years of feeling trapped in my own body, as if I were attached to the ground. You know, as a trapeze artist, the feeling of freedom we have when performing is incomparable. Losing that in an instant—losing the ability to express yourself through your body and communicate who you are—was devastating.
How did you transition from hand biking back to the circus?
I knew I couldn’t immediately stop my handbike career, especially after switching to compete for the Swiss national team in 2020. The pandemic delayed races, but in 2021, I completed my final season. It was tough mentally because my motivation had shifted to acrobatics. But I gave my best, winning a silver medal and becoming European champion, ending on a high note.
That same year, I received my first circus contract. I shared photos of my handstands on social media, and a circus director reached out. Though I didn’t have an act ready, his request motivated me to create one.
What opportunities have emerged since then?
I got my first contract in December 2021, and the following year, I was invited to perform at the Salieri Awards in Italy with a classical dancer. It was there that I met the director of Gravity Circus, where I’m now in my second year, and the director of Roncalli Circus, which led to two incredible contracts. I’ve had the chance to work for both circuses, completing a tour of England with Gravity just two weeks ago. Now, we’re starting a new season with a fresh show in Italy.
What role do you think your artistic and physical background played in your recovery process?
I think it played a big role. While I was in the hospital bed, unable to do anything else, I had time to think and realised I had lost almost everything I’d built in my life. But what remained was what I had learned mentally, the experiences and lessons life had taught me.
Being a circus performer before taught me to keep smiling, not as a mask, but with a smile that comes from within. It helped me focus on what’s important at specific moments. On stage, you have to put aside all your problems and share something beautiful with your audience—only light, love, and energy. That mindset helped me during my injury. I started practising gratitude, even during the pain. I wrote down every little thing I was grateful for, like seeing colours, the light from the window, moving my arms, or singing. Doing this allowed me to build a new perspective and realise that, even if I had to start from scratch, I still had the creativity to create something new.
How long after waking up and realising you couldn’t use your legs did you start being able to feel grateful?
It wasn’t immediate. I was unconscious for two weeks, and when I woke up in the hospital, I didn’t fully understand what had happened. It took some time to realise I was paraplegic. For the first three months, I couldn’t move at all due to the head trauma and my back injury, and the pain was overwhelming. During that time, I was just surviving I, felt like a vegetable.
It was only after those three months, as I began to recover, that I could start reflecting. About four or five months after the accident, I started meditating and taking a more philosophical approach, beginning my journey of mental reconstruction and eventually finding gratitude in small things.
In the film Oltre, when you first perform, you express doubts about whether your level is up to par with the other artists at the festival, despite having had such huge success. Now, after more than two years of performing and touring with the circus, how do you view your value on stage?
I’ve always felt fear and anxiety, even in sports, but I faced it. I can’t remember a race where I wasn’t anxious, but I knew I had to focus and take risks. As a performer, there’s always a part of me that doubts, as I compare myself to who I was before the accident. I’m hard on myself, thinking it’s not beautiful, my legs aren’t straight, or my back doesn’t bend. But these are things I can’t change.
Emotionally, I still compare myself to something that’s not comparable. But looking back, I’m really happy with what I’ve achieved. On stage, I don’t want people to feel pity because of my disability. I try to express beauty and grace, but it’s not easy with my body. I use props and try to find new shapes and movements to express myself within my limitations.
Could you share some tips for those going through difficult moments in life?
When I face tough times, I try to look at myself from a third-person perspective, to gain a broader view. Often, when we're down, we focus on the negative, so I try to lift my gaze and see the bigger picture. I also remind myself of past challenges I’ve overcome, which gives me strength. I think, ‘If I could get through that, I can get through this. It’s important to allow yourself to feel emotions but also know when to move forward.
While it’s easier to let yourself sink into despair, it takes courage and effort to rise above life’s challenges. If you decide to be happy, it’s like climbing a tree or mountain—it’s hard, and you have to make the effort. But once you reach the top, you see everything, there’s more light, more sun. I take responsibility for my feelings and how I face challenges, even if I can't control everything in life.
